Merry Christmas from all of us at Division 5
(with apologies to Dr. Seuss)
Every Rail down in Railville liked Christmas a lot,
But the Rail Grinch who ran the Rail’s railroad did not!
His stock price was dropping, his fuel costs were high!
Well, it must be the fault of some blue-collar guy!
“They’ll expect the day off, with their kids out of school,
As my freight trains sit idle, just burning up fuel.”
He fumed, as he stood there and he chewed on his nails,
And he looked down on Railville, just hating the Rails.
He puzzled and mused, and he wracked his Grinch brains,
“There must be some way to put men on my trains.
The schedules all say, ‘in event of emergency,’
I can run Rails, who are fresh out of surgery,
Filling my trains up, and running my freight,
I’d better get started before it’s too late!”
He stood in his suite, up on top of his tower,
Screeching out orders for over an hour.
“The fuel costs are rising, we have to move fast,
And run all our trains ’til the “danger” is past.
Emergency orders are now on the way.
Christmas will be just another work day!”
The crew callers called all the first-out Rail houses,
Waking up Rails and their kids and their spouses,
“Emergency orders! You have to move quick!”
“Christmas is canceled, we hear, from Saint Nick!”
The Rails and their kids and their dogs and their wives,
Resented the Grinch’s effect on their lives.
The Rail Grinch had thought that it just might be fun,
To personally call up a Rail around one.
“Hello? Who is this? Is the Papa Rail in?
I’ve got to run trains and I really need men.”
The voice that replied was both nervous and shy,
‘Why are you taking my Dad away? Why?”
But that nasty Rail Grinch was so crafty and slick,
He thought up a lie and he thought it up quick.
“Your gift’s in a boxcar way out there my Dear,
Your Dad needs to get it and bring it back here.”
“Now, go wake your Daddy,” the evil Grinch said,
“By the way, did I tell you that Santa is dead?”
His phone double clicked- it was Rail Grinch call waiting-
And he learned of the storm that had been his creating-
Then he heard the bad word come from his minor Grinches,
Of Rail freight train speeds that were measured in inches.
The words that his soulless Officials had said,
Rattled round and gained speed in his corporate head.
“The Rails all rejected our Christmas Yule tidings,
They’re killing their trains on the main between sidings,
There’s even reports that the sons-of-a-bitches,
Are tying down switchers on top of the switches.
They’re laying off sick and they’re laying off lame,
They’re claiming diseases that don’t have a name!”
“They’re killing their trains or they’re dodging our calls.
They’re claiming fatigue! Oh the balls! Balls! Balls!!
“Our “Visions and Values,’ they say, with a laugh,
Apply just to us and our corporate staff.
The tracks are all plugged and we can’t move the trains.
They’ve blocked all the sidings and yard tracks and mains.
I really don’t know, but I’d hazard a guess,
A week will be needed to clean up this mess.”
Well what happened next? Well, the Rails all surmise,
That the Rail Grinch’s sphincter grew three times in size.
The poor little thing was so over exerted,
By the size of the things that the Rails all inserted,
That the Grinch rubbed his butt, as he wiped off a tear,
And he said, “I don’t think we’ll work Christmas, next year.”
Credit – Nick Johnson Chairman Az State Legislative Board